The Wit's Guide to Napping
Or, you snooze, you win
If you are in charge of your own productivity, napping is terrific. You know the revivifying powers of a siesta, the way it can add a second batch of creative morning hours to a day. If you are in charge of other people’s productivity, napping is terrible. To be asleep at the switch is cause for termination, and if the manager’s manager sees the subordinates sawing logs, it’s lights out.
“When you can’t figure out what to do, it’s time for a nap.”
— Mason Cooley
And thus napping is now a political act. Rest is resistance, goes the title of the bestselling book by Tricia Hersey, the writer and theologian who runs the Nap Ministry. Unfortunately, she writes, this “is not a joke nor anything to make light of,” so it falls outside the parameters of this newsletter. The battle lines are as drawn as the curtains: You snooze, they lose.
“Sleep is death without the responsibility.”
― Fran Lebowitz
The nappers tried to win over the managerial class by speaking their language: It’s a power nap! It will make you more powerful! And if you don’t want power, try a disco nap, a late-day doze that will keep you in the conga line well past midnight. Still, though, they shake us awake.
“There is no point at which you can say, ‘Well, I’m successful now. I might as well take a nap.’”
― Carrie Fisher
In this same vein, the nightcapped bear from the packaging of Celestial Seasonings’ Sleepytime Tea has become an icon of the anti-hustle movement. For all our benefit, this meme uprising has spelled out exactly what cartoon characters say when they’re snoozing: Honk shoo mimimimimimi. Or, for those with sleep apnea: snerk mimimimi.
“May we learn to honor the hammock, the siesta, the nap and the pause in all its forms.”
― Alice Walker
In the introduction to his 1948 book Fifty Secrets of Magic Craftsmanship, Salvador Dali wrote that his goal was to “save Modern Art from chaos and laziness.” Naturally, one of the key stratagems to vanquish laziness was napping, or “slumber with a key.” In a practice he claimed to have learned from the Capuchin monks of Toledo, Dali would recline in an armchair with a heavy brass key “delicately pressed between the extremities of the thumb and forefinger.” Once he had lost consciousness, the slackened digits would drop the key onto a plate, immediately rousing the artist as pictured:
The point is to timebox your siesta, as melting clock guy explains: “Know, therefore, that your afternoon sleep must last less than a minute, less than a quarter of a minute, since, as you will immediately realize, a mere second is infinitely too long.”
“If we can develop some way in which a man can doze and still keep from making a monkey of himself, we have removed one of the big obstacles to human happiness in modern civilization.”
― Robert Benchley
Outside of surrealism, the conditions for a successful honkshoo are clear: It should be before 3 p.m. and it should last for less than 45 minutes. And of course, you should have complete control over your environs. To appropriate a phrase from the dirt nap community: Rest in power!
“If God rings, tell Him I’m not in.”
― Noel Coward, bravely preparing for his afternoon nap
Wait, but what even are Riposte Cards?
Last week a reader asked for some Riposte Card clarification: “Do they arrive to my home blank and suitable to send to someone else? This has never been clear to me.”
The answer is yes, yes and yes! This week I’m stuffing A6 envelopes with blank Riposte Cards for my 31 paid subscribers. For the newbies, I’ll send the complete set as pictured above. For the stalwarts, I’ll send 2-3 blanks of No. 4. It remains An Astonishingly Good Deal, and yours to discover:
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“There is more refreshment and stimulation in a nap, even of the briefest, than in all the alcohol ever distilled.”
― E.V. Lucas
If you wake up with a mighty thirst, how shall you quench it? Your choice will be served up next Thursday morning.
And if you want to go deeper…
The Wit's Guide to Sleep
Like rust, wit never sleeps. If your cranium is overflowing with zingers, you can’t squeeze in any shuteye. And so most of the Great Wits were insomniacs. They come in different flavors: The ones who dearly miss sleep and the ones who have grown to despise it, like Wile E. Coyote hates the Roadrunner. Taunted by the Zs they can never quite catch, they take revenge through wit. (Not that sleep cares.)
Get Wit Quick No. 207 was caught napping, but who did the catching, and in what catchment area? Churchill was of course a big napper. In his 2019 Book of Delights, poet Ross Gay earnestly suggests napping on the sidewalk: The ultimate power move. Elements of Wit: Mastering The Art of Being Interesting makes a mediocre pillow. Smash the ❤️ below like it’s a snooze button.
Essentialism by Greg McKeown has an interesting chapter on sleep with some memorable case studies. Actually, that's the only chapter I remember from the book. Must have napped through the rest.
People should be aware that Alice Walker is a notorious antisemite.