“My favourite poem is the one that starts ‘Thirty days hath September’ because it actually tells you something.”
— Groucho Marx
Do we still need mnemonics? In the age of the smartphone, what’s the point of those memory-helping rhymes, acronyms, and rubrics originally invented by Keanu Reeves in the film Johnny Mnemonic?
“Camels Often Sit Down Carefully, Perhaps Their Joints Creak.”
— Mnemonic to remember the geologic periods of the last half-billion years, which are of course Cambrian, Ordovician, Silurian, Devonian, Carboniferous, Permian, Triassic, Jurassic, and Cretaceous.
Perhaps because we’re getting dumber. If you’ve seen Johnny Mnemonic, or any of the John Wick series, you know what I mean. The phenomenon of the Flynn Effect, the century-long increase in IQ scores over the generations, has essentially reversed. As I recently learned from Cal Newport’s Deep Questions podcast, with the exception of the capacity to picture 3D shapes, over the last 15 years the cognitive ability of Americans has declined across all measures for all ages, genders, and education levels. And curb the smugness, my fellow Canadians, as it’s likely any smartphone-addled populace. Or maybe it’s microplastics? We can’t know for sure due to the pervasive aforementioned dumbness.
“How I Want A Drink, Alcoholic Of Course, After The Heavy Lectures Involving Quantum Mechanics. One Is, Yes, Adequate, Even Enough To Produce Some Fun And Pleasure For An Instant, Miserably Brief.”
— Mnemonic to remember the first 31 digits of pi, which are of course 3.1415926535897932384626433832795
So perhaps embracing mnemonics, especially if you can just Google the information, is a way to rage against the dying of the light. If so, which ones? A perusal of the best medical mnemonics suggests that saucier sentences are likely, um, stickier:
“Some Lovers Try Positions That They Can’t Handle”
— Medical mnemonic for carpal bones, which are of course scaphoid, lunate, triquetrum, pisiform, trapezium, trapezoid, capitate, and hamate.
“Some Aggressive Lovers Find Odd Positions More Stimulating”
— Medical mnemonic for external carotid artery branches, which are of course superior thyroid, ascending pharyngeal, lingual, facial, occipital, posterior auricular, maxillary, and superficial temporal.
“Lazy French Tarts Lie Naked In Anticipation Of Sex”
— Medical mnemonic for structures passing through the superior orbital fissure, which are of course lacrimal, frontal, trochlear, superior, nasociliary, and inferior nerves, the good old ophthalmic vein, and sympathetic nerves.
Or maybe medical students just need to get out more. Still, compare that with this utterly unmemorable acronym used by intelligence officers to gather the atmospherics of a new environment: PMESII-PT, which of course stands for Political, Military, Economic, Social, Information, Infrastructure, as well as Physical Environment and Time. Almost as memorable as the last Mission Impossible movie.
“To expect a man to retain everything that he has ever read is like expecting him to carry about in his body everything that he has ever eaten.”
— Arthur Schopenhauer
Mnemonics save lives. Untold numbers of lost hikers have remembered Never Eat Shredded Wheat and thus been spared the monotony that certain breakfast cereals can induce. And by recalling that My Very Educated Mother Just Served Us Noodles, humans have successfully sent probes to the correct planets over and over again. Thanks, NASA (Neil Armstrong Saw Aliens)!
“Nothing is more responsible for the good old days than a bad memory.”
— Franklin Pierce Adams
In the U.K., they keep track of rainbows by remembering that Richard Of York Gave Battle In Vain. On this side of the Atlantic, we honour his futility by deferring to the commoner Roy G. Biv to keep our colours in line. Scientists now know that indigo is not a colour but a Canadian home goods store, and that the rainbow’s inflation to seven hues was just Newton’s way of rounding up nature’s numbers. Hence the supplementary initialism NTAGWSOWAK, the one mnemonic that won’t let you down: Never trust a guy who spells Opticks with a K.
“Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget to sing in the lifeboats.”
— Peter Gay
So many things to remember as the ship goes down. For instance, who’s in charge of rearranging the deck chairs?
Thrown for a loop
In totally unrelated news, here’s a big unpaywalled piece I wrote for The Globe on how the circular economy isn’t working in part because no one knows what the circular economy is. Didn’t see that coming, didja?
Issue No. 334 of Get Wit Quick always remembers to put i before e except after c and the other 35% of the time when that rule is just plain wrong. This newsletter’s mascot is a magpie named Magnus after the magician in Robertson Davies’ Deptford Trilogy. The title font is Vulf Sans, the official typeface of the band Vulfpeck. The book was Elements of Wit: Mastering The Art of Being Interesting. At the end of this newsletter I always ask you to tap the ❤️ from the bottom of my heart.
Another free newsletter for all this week, sent with the proviso that paid subscribers get this indispensable yet 100% recyclable wallet card:
The Globe & Mail Circular Economy article was great. Second such article I read this week ( don't ask me where the first was - as your original post makes clear, forgot ).
You mention blue boxes. I was livid that the blue boxes we use for Toronto recycling were not made from recycled plastic. Duh! Those huge blue, grey/green bins ...tens or hundred thousands .. made from non recycled plastic. Couldn't vote for that government and they lost ( David Miller, from memory - again, no pun intended ).
Dear Benjamin,
Great piece!
Love this:
“My favourite poem is the one that starts ‘Thirty days hath September’ because it actually tells you something.”
— Groucho Marx
And this:
“To expect a man to retain everything that he has ever read is like expecting him to carry about in his body everything that he has ever eaten.”
— Arthur Schopenhauer
Thanks so much for sharing!
Love
Myq