The Wit’s Guide to Forgetting

Or, flint flaking forever

Portrait of a Venetian Gentleman, c. 1510–1515. Collection of the National Gallery of Art, Washington. Unfortunately the artist forgot to sign it.

You’re reading this sentence, but is that what you originally picked up your phone to do? Or did you wander into your inbox to get something and now can’t remember what it was? 

Either way, rejoice! You’re suffering from what Christopher Hitchens called CRAFT syndrome, a gentle acronym for Can’t Remember a Fucking Thing. “This was bad enough in itself, but I also began to realize that I cared less,” he wrote of his condition. “What the hell will it matter in a few decades whether I can put a name to this face, or an author to this snatch of verse?”

“The existence of forgetting has never been proved: We only know that some things don’t come to mind when we want them.”
— Friedrich Nietzsche

Of course we still remember Hitch, 13 years after his death. He wrote about everything for everyone all the time, and that tends to make a mark. You know who we almost didn’t remember? Virginia Ostman. Anyone who owns a copy of Peter’s Quotations: Ideas for Our Time can pick it up — provided you don’t forget what you walked over to the bookshelf to get! — and flip to page 526 to find the following line:

“If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn’t it follow that electricians can be delighted; musicians denoted; cowboys deranged; models deposed; tree surgeons debarked and dry cleaners depressed?”
— Virginia Ostman

It’s a good one! But who was this forgotten punstress? I asked that question back in 2019 in GWQ No. 20, and two years later Ostman’s niece sent me an email. 

“Virginia was a very kind, creative, and intelligent person,” wrote Janet Shoviak, who had happened to Google her aunt on her lunch break and came across my mention. “Unfortunately, her poor health limited her ability to live and work to her fullest potential. She had degrees in education (math teacher) and library science. Her main focus was writing for contests and various publications. Jingles, puns and funny lines were her specialty.”  

Ostman died in 1979 at the age of 54, though now you can confirm that she hasn’t been forgotten. She’s been …  requipped? 

“Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear but forgetting where you heard it.”
— Laurence J. Peter

When you deglaze the old brainpan, what gets lost? I think Milan Kundera’s The Book of Laughter and Forgetting was funny but honestly can’t remember.

“There are three things I always forget: names, faces, and the third I can’t remember.”
— Italo Svevo

If other people forget about you, it’s the worst. Especially if they were your ride home. But if you forget about you, it’s … the best? Take it from W.H. Auden, who wrote: 

You need not see what someone is doing
to know if it is his vocation,

you have only to watch his eyes:
a cook mixing a sauce, a surgeon

making a primary incision,
a clerk completing a bill of lading,

wear the same rapt expression,
forgetting themselves in a function.

The poet published these lines in 1955, many decades before psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi described the exact same thing as being in a state of flow, the psychology of optimal experience. Perhaps when you forget yourself in a function, you forget to worry about what you might be forgetting. Like giving someone a ride home?

“Whenever I complain that things aren’t what they used to be, I always forget to include myself.”
— George Burns

We should put up monuments to these forgetters, Auden writes, applauding “the first flaker of flints who forgot his dinner,” as we’d be lost without them. So here’s to old what’s-his-teeth, the forgetful famished flint flaker! May his memory live on until eternity or the next ping of my phone, whichever comes first.

“I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll make an exception.”
— Groucho Marx

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Hey, it’s a ReccoMention!

It’s tough to remember the wittiest things, as often they’re just tossed off for immediate enjoyment. But this week’s ReccoMention (a weekly witty endorsement for my paid subscribers, only C$30/year!) is a book that assembles a whole symphony of clever stories from the coolest musicians who ever lived. 

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And look, a Riposte Card!

We’ve just passed Blue Monday, the totally made-up day that’s supposed to be the saddest of the year. To commemorate this meaningless milestone, consider these wise words:

“If you are foolish enough to be contented, don’t show it, but grumble with the rest.”— Jerome K. Jerome

Which were immortalized on a Riposte Card by Eugenia Viti. One of my favourites, and one I’ll secretly happily send to anyone who subscribes to these monthly original postcard artworks, a steal at a mere C$80/year.

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Quote Vote

“I can never remember whether it snowed for six days and six nights when I was twelve or whether it snowed for twelve days and twelve nights when I was six.”
— Dylan Thomas

Each week, you vote for the next week’s guide, but how often does your pick carry the day? Loyal reader Céline tells me her choice never wins, so let’s throw her a bone this week! She once wrote to me that “I have no time to read, or barely, so when I can’t sleep I head straight for the paper or my laptop for work (both depressing), whatever I am pretending to read from the library, or your snappy little pieces. I love that the topic is always so distant from anything I usually pick up.” Everyone, choose the option closest and/or furthest to the topic Céline will choose!

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Get Wit Quick No. 238 always remembers your email address through the ancient secret of writing it down. My book Elements of Wit: Mastering The Art of Being Interesting is full of things I once wrote down. If you remember to tap the ❤️ below, I’ll remember to ask you again next week, and so the whole darned human comedy will keep perpetuating itself. Did I use that Lebowski reference last week? Maybe?