The Wit’s Guide to Fools
Or, versa vice
If you think you’re surrounded by fools, you’re right! But you should be more specific. As the writer Michael Dirda has pointed out, there are precisely three kinds of fool. Take note of the company you keep, tally up all the members of each category and, even if you forget a decimal place or two, you’ll likely want to crawl back into bed.
“There are more fools in the world than there are people.”
— Heinrich Heine
Begin with the Real Fools, the ones Mr. T is right to pity. They don’t know any better! “They speak their unmediated minds, and great truths sometimes emerge,” Dirda writes, citing Forrest Gump as the modern exemplar. How did that movie beat Pulp Fiction? Because both heaven and the Academy look out for child-like characters. As Sancho Panza said of Don Quixote, “he’s a muddle-headed fool with frequent lucid intervals.” Somehow, that’s much easier to tolerate than the inverse formulation.
“The greatest lesson in life is to know that even fools are right sometimes.”
— Winston Churchill
Then you get to the Professional Fools, the ones so thick on ground, you’re likely to trip over them. Or rather you’ll think you stumbled when in fact they gave you a shove. These are the jesters, the hucksters, the con men, the winkers of hoods and the boozlers of bam. As we roll our eyes, these fools lift our wallets. They are generally the wits, though they’re clever enough not to advertise that fact. The wonderful picaresque novel Tyll by Daniel Kehlmann tells the story of a German court jester in the middle ages, when the world was in shambles and the trickster had the best chance of survival. “You have heard of fool’s license, haven’t you?” Tyll says to a clueless aristocrat. “If I don’t call His Majesty an idiot, who will? Somebody has to. And you’re not allowed.”
“One has to belong to the intelligentsia to believe things like that: no ordinary man could be such a fool.”
— George Orwell
And then the rest of us are Unsuspecting Fools. We know we’re not total simpletons, for a simpleton wouldn’t be capable of self-awareness. And hey, we’re not trying to scam anyone here. In fact, we’re intelligent, honest, God-abiding, law-fearing, pure-minded, high-hearted people waiting patiently in line for our turns to play the fool. No cutting! As Main Ingredient and later Aaron Neville factually and cruelly sang, there’s no exception to the rule.
“A man learns to skate by staggering about making a fool of himself; indeed, he progresses in all things by making a fool of himself.”
— George Bernard Shaw
So yes, you are definitely surrounded by fools, and the proportions map onto the famous midwit curve:
And if you look in the mirror and don’t see a fool, you’d be wise to look harder.
“A fellow who is always declaring he’s no fool usually has his suspicions.”
— Wilson Mizner
A fool and their money can click the button below
Of course once you send me money, you are officially nobody’s fool. And as such, you may have wondered who last month’s Riposte Card was quoting. The brilliant printmaker Sandi Falconer opted to sketch this line:
“If you wait long enough, nothing will happen.”
— Jack Gardner
Who’s Jack? A British author, aphorist, and in 21 Riposte Cards, the first quipper of quips with whom I’ve ever exchanged emails. What does it mean, I asked him. His response:
“If an aphorism needs explanation it is a bad aphorism.”
— Jack Gardner
He also told me that “A pretty problem can be more attractive than an ugly solution,” and sent along this sketch:
So now who’s the fool, eh? Send me some money and I’ll send you the card.
More Tom than Taylor
“Taylor Swift’s six-show engagement in Toronto was a perfect opportunity to use my Toronto Star News Quiz to teach her fans about Tom Swifties,” he said gamely.
Quote Vote
“Every man is a damn fool for at least five minutes every day; wisdom consists in not exceeding the limit.”
— Elbert Hubbard
Based on the above quip, it’s a good idea to keep a pomodoro timer on your desk for your daily 300 seconds of foolishness! And if you can’t find one of those timers shaped like a tomato, be a True Fool and use a real tomato!
Issue No. 280 of Get Wit Quick stepped out for a chocolate teapot and never came back — a classic fool’s errand. That old crank Baron de Montesquieu said that “An author is a fool who, not content with having bored those who have lived with him, insists on boring future generations,” but since Elements of Wit: Mastering The Art of Being Interesting only came out in 2014, it’s still only boring this generation. Rush in and tap the ❤️ below!
“The greatest lesson in life is to know that even fools are right sometimes.”
This spoke to me in the current moment, especially with an implied corollary: even the wise are sometimes foolish.
Jack Gardner's sketch ( what's up there? ) reminds me of this pun:
“I was wondering why the ball kept getting bigger and bigger.................and then it hit me”.