The Wit’s Guide to Denial

Or, prudence vs. rascality

The Great Fire of London in 1666 by Lieve Verschuier (1686) with libretto by K.C. Green (2014).

So, what are you currently in denial about? Sugar cravings, climate change, 6 p.m. sunsets, the end of the 1990s, inflation, Shakespeare, attacks on your internet service, or just your impending demise? Mortality is the biggie, as per Ernest Becker’s 1974 club banger The Denial of Death. Of course his thesis is that we humans go to elaborate lengths to pretend we’ll never decompose, but at a more basic level aren’t we denying death with every breath we take? Life is a denial of death, and beyond that you’re overthinking it.

“Delay is the deadliest form of denial.”
— C. Northcote Parkinson

This line, recommended in the comments of GWQ No. 223 section of by reader Colin McKenzie, sent me down the enjoyably off-topic rabbit hole of C. Northcote Parkinson, a naval historian who stumbled into business bestsellerdom when he observed that all tasks expand to fill their allotted time. Parkinson’s Law, originally made as a dry joke in The Economist, was taken seriously across the Atlantic and became the basis for several books and a stellar career in management consulting. The original 1957 version of Parkinson’s Law features one of the best blurbs ever burbled: “A book to make the ordinary downtrodden citizen hug himself with pleasure,” according to Punch. 

“Sometimes, I feel discriminated against, but it does not make me angry. It merely astonishes me. How can any deny themselves the pleasure of my company! It’s beyond me.”
— Zora Neale Hurston

Parkinson’s Law of Delay — the aforementioned deadliest form of denial — specifically refers to how large organizations know that “an endless vista of committees trying to decide whether there is a case for making a preliminary inquiry into the terms of reference for a Commission” can blamelessly smother the most urgent proposal. In the long run we’re all dead, but with the bureaucracy you can’t immediately tell.

“It’s always been hard for me to tell the difference between denial and what used to be known as hope.”
— Michael Chabon

Speaking of Parkinson and denial — a horrible segue I couldn’t deny myself — in his 2016 memoir Old Age Michael Kinsley entertainingly explains how he came to terms with his diagnosis of Parkinson’s disease and then immediately fled those terms.

“I am not denying anything I did not say.”
— Brian Mulroney

The journalist was diagnosed in 1993 but kept it to himself for eight years. That required deceiving others, he admits, but this was a necessary sin. “Some topics — Is it decaf? — require absolute honesty,” he writes. “With others — military secrets, noncontagious diseases — there may be legitimate exceptions.”

And he argues that despite a widespread societal enthusiasm for loudly confronting reality, denial of his situation was much more pleasant. 

“If you fool yourself skillfully enough, you can banish thoughts of the disease but retain a liberating sense of urgency,” he writes. “It’s like having a Get Out of Jail Free card from the prison of delayed gratification.”

“Self-denial is not a virtue; it is only the effect of prudence on rascality.”
— George Bernard Shaw

Which might be how denial solves itself. We deny ourselves various pleasures to preserve our health forever, which itself is the denial of death; the double negative proves a positive. So just accept it all and order dessert. And consider that anyone driving a Denali is behind the wheel of both avatar and anagram for denial.

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Hey! A New Perquisite for Subscribers!

This week marks the debut of WIT LISTS, a new perk (short for perquisite, nothing to do with coffee) for my paid subscribers. In the last four years, I’ve recommended scores of books, movies, TV shows, videos, and the occasional cocktail in this space. Now I’m expanding those specific reccos in regular subscriber-only series, starting with WIT TO READ and WIT TO WATCH. I’ll share teasers here each week!

This week’s Wit Lists!

92 minutes of a woman “who insults people, who grins when she does it, and people like it”

335 pages that demonstrate Nabokov’s genius without creeping you out

Cutting Wit, Prices!

And to celebrate this new offering, I’ve slashed the price of a basic subscription to a mere C$30 a year, or US$21.71. For that low monthly cost of nearly nothing, you have access to a cornucopia of clever content picks worthy of your time.

Riposte Cards, still a thing!

But the original Founding Subscribers who pay $80 a year are the only ones who get Riposte Cards, the specially commissioned postcard quips mailed out each month to these 39 pioneers. Their funding pays artists, buys postage, puts a spring in my step and gets them full access to the Wit Lists described above.

But what if I’m a freeloader?

Hard same! I frequently go to Starbucks and order a Puppuccino even though I don’t have a pup in chinos. But every reader will keep getting this weekly email plus access to the archive! So keep on coasting, I got you!

To recap:

• Pay nothing: A weekly edition of Get Wit Quick plus full archive access and Quote Voting rights!

• Pay C$30/yr: Subscriber-only Wit Lists, a guaranteed funny response to any comment you leave, plus all of the above!

• Pay C$80/yr: Riposte Cards mailed to you each month, a Certified Wit sticker to wear, a renewed lightness of spirit, plus all of the above!

And speaking of, which Riposte Card am I getting in October?

I’m always chuffed when my selected artist comes to me with a quip they’d like to riff upon for their Riposte Card, as October’s Amy Noseworthy did with the above line by poet Andrea Gibson. Who needs a rib cage anyway? These cards are at the printers now, so if you’d like a few along with the seven (!) previous installments, become a Founding Subscriber today!

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Quote Vote

“I didn’t do it, no one saw me do it, you can’t prove anything.”
— Bart Simpson

Now that we’ve done denial, I’m half tempted to work through the other stages of grief. But only if the crowd demands it. 

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Get Wit Quick No. 225 would suggest that the perfect mashup of The Denial of Death and Parkinson’s Law is Oliver Burkeman’s Four Thousand Weeks: Time Management for Mortals. I’ll write it up in Wit to Read shortly! I can’t deny that this newsletter is building up to a sequel to Elements of Wit: Mastering The Art of Being Interesting. Don’t deny me the simple pleasure of tapping the ❤️  below.